So here we are. Are you f-ing jacked out of your mind for some new Major League Lock Club? I said, "ARE YOU F-ING JACKED OUT OF YOUR MIND FOR SOME NEW MAJOR LEAGUE LOCK CLUB?!?!?!?!?" Well, the day has finally come. Our numbers have swollen to 23 members with a pot of $2,200. Not only that, but we will also be playing for the Holly Lambert Memorial Trophy. What more can one ask for?
There are plenty of new faces to meet and greet. The IFD will be further represented by Chris "Lights Out" Lytle, Joe "Bam Bam" Baumann, Matt "Uncle Money" Henss, Tony "Edge" Matthews, Jeff "Cheesesteak" Brown, Damon "Reaper" Branson, and Tim "JBrowns Mom" Lavin. New civilians include Joe "Roy Betterman" Gudeman, Silas "Easy Money" Dust, and Chris "(K)icked (O)ut (L)ast (Y)ear" Barney. Let's be honest: some of you were brought in to up the prestige of the league, but most are little more than a donation source.
For the old heads, we have some moniker changes from 2015. After much deliberation, Jimmy "AAN" Banks has changed his name to Str8 Cash Homie. CDes/Bink have elected to go with 5 Strong Football. Keith "Hitman" Jackson will now be known as Achilles. Finally, after celebrating a full year as Player Hater of the Year, Trevor "Silky Johnson" Wilson will once again be referred to as T-$.
A few brief notes as we head into Saturday's college action:
Our defending Champion and All-Time Unit Leader (Kevin "Gator" Holman) also holds the record for most All Time Wins at 46.
T-$ is the All Time College Wins Leader at 18 (18-7-1 over two seasons).
Spencer "The King" King holds the mark for Most Losses All Time at 42.
Pat "Uncle PJ" Miles holds the mark for Most College Losses All Time at 13.
Saturday's Action Breakdown
There are four games in play starting around noon. Reaper chose the Golden Knights of Central Florida +35.5 as his inaugural pick in their contest against Michigan on ABC. 5 Strong Football will be pulling for their alma mater UMASS +17 as they battle the Catholics from Bean Town. This game can be found on ESPN3. At the same time, KOLY will be hoping the Black and Gold of Purdue +6 won't get steamrolled by Hayden Moore and the Bearcats on the BTN. At 12:30, Edge will be focusing on Death Valley and the Clemson Tigers -36 as they battle the Men of Troy. This game is also on ESPN 3.
Most league action will get going between 3:30 and 4:00. David "Meehoe" Meehan, Uncle PJ, and Uncle Money will be watching the Ohio State Buckeyes -28.5 on ABC at 3:30 as they host Tulsa. Captain Ronnie "Captain" Anderson, Gator, Lights Out, and Bam Bam will all be pulling for the Ultimate Red Ass and his mighty 'Bama Crimson Tide -28.5 when they face those wily Hill Toppers of Western Kentucky on ESPN2 at 3:30. At the same time, The King and Eric "The Whole F'n Show" Nowlin will supporting the Duke Gang -5.5 as they battle their own Demons from Wake Forrest on ESPNU. Bryan "Golf Coach" Hendricks will be praying he can get off to a better start this year than last when the Florida Gators -16.5 take on Jared Lorenzen's alma mater on CBS. No one will be paying more attention to their Saturday game than Str8 Cash Homie as he has dropped the 11 point VAPOR LOCK on the first game of the season, taking Notre Dame at -28 over the Wolfpack (don't turn your back on the Wolfpack - NWO 4 Life) on NBC. Finally, 4:00 will see the Hurrying Hoosiers -18 kicking off against the hapless Cardinals of Ball State. Dominic "Dirty D" Desando, Achilles, and Cheesesteak will be tuning into ESPNN for this titanic struggle.
The evening gets started at 6:00 with The U -24.5 facing FAU Schwartz. Both Easy Money and Roy Betterman are feeling pretty confident the broadcast on the ACC Network/WatchESPN will be to their liking. At 7:00, Tom "The TOMizzle" Morgan will be scouring Tuned-In radio for a broadcast of the Ragin' Cajuns trying to keep it within 46.5 against the Sooners. The 7:30 start on FOX will bring us our second VAPOR LOCK of the day/year when Utah -3.5 matches up against BYU in the Big Love Bowl. As the norm, JBrown's Mom is hoping the secularists are willing and able to pull it out. The last battle of the night will feature the Washington State Cougars +11.5 heading east to the big blue turf. T-$ is hoping they can keep the Broncos at bay and run his All Time College win total to 19.
Good luck, gentlemen. Look for an update sometime before noon on Sunday.
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