It's Time to VAPE!

As we approach the final two weekends of the season, the nineteen remaining Vapor Locks are looming large.  Uncle PJ already nailed all three of his and sits in first place with a total of 31 units.  However, the 2nd (Straight Cash Homie - 28 units), 3rd (Uncle Money - 18 units), and 4th place (5 Strong Football - 15 units) members all have one left.  T-$ (also 3-0 with his Vapors) is going to need a few Vapor whiffs and a near perfect run of his own to finish in the money from his current 5th place position. The King is the real dark horse.  He is sitting in sixth place with 4 units but still has TWO Vapors left to play.

The Closest to Zero race is way too convoluted to get into yet.  The aforementioned T-$ and The King are still very much in the mix for this prize.  Meehoe and Roy Betterman are now in a spot where angling for this cash makes the most sense.  JBrown's Mom, Captain, Lights Out and Edge have also played themselves back into contention after putting together several strong weeks.  Honestly, had JBM hit a Vapor or two, he may have been in contention for the title. Dommie Kosar and The TOMizzle (thanks to his two remaining VLs) round out this group.

Last week was actually pretty nuts.  It was actually our best week of the season and only the third time we finished in the positive collectively.  We had an unprecedented seven people go 3-0.  One of those set a record for most units in a week - Uncle Money went for 3-0 with 2 Vapor Locks for a grand total of 20 units.  Had he only gone for the full monty and dropped that third vapor...shoulda, woulda, coulda I guess.  Roy Betterman was our only 0-3 - seemingly ending a unbelievable run.

3-0:  Uncle PJ, Str8 Cash Homie, Uncle Money, 5 Strong Football, Captain, Edge, and JBrown's Mom
0-3:  Roy Betterman
High Riser:  Captain jumped from 18th to 10th and back into contention for CTZ
Free Fallin:  The TOMizzle dropped from 10th to 16th, but still has 2 Vapor Locks left

Let's Talk Streaks

We have seen some streaks which are worth examining.  The current streak for consecutive wins is still seven held by T-$.  It is worth noting that Str8 Cash Homie just completed an impressive undefeated streak of nine games while going 8-0-1.  I would contend the most impressive streak of the year belongs to Roy Betterman.  After the Week 5 NFL Day games, Roy was 3-11 with -36 units.  Fast forward to today, he is currently in third place with a record of 17-13 and 5 units.  He has gone an unbelievable 14-2 against the spread in the last five weeks and change.  I gave him some small props a few weeks ago, but even I didn't see this onslaught coming.  If he keeps it up, he has a real chance to bring home the title.  The good news for Uncle PJ and Str8 Cash Homie is Roy is out of Vapor Locks.

Let's take a moment to point out who really sucked this week.  We had not one, not two, but three members go 0-3.  Two of these managed the Full Monty, 0 for 3 for -15 units.  I'm sure Captain is ready to move on to 2017, but at 12-16-2, he still owns a better record than I do.  The other two big losers of the week are locked in an epic battle for futility.  The Reaper's -15 unit week put him in close contention with The Whole F'n Show for the worst performance of all time.  The previous record was -43.  They are currently at -46 and -47 respectively.  Good times.

Hats off to me, as I can take off the Golden Somrero.  I actually managed to make a correct pick this week.  In fact, it was my third winning Vapor Lock of the year, finalizing our second Vapor Lock Turkey of 2016.  Yea Me!

Penalties have become a real issue over the past few weeks.  KOLY has already received three strikes.  This means he is only eligible to win Top Three prize money.  The King received his second penalty this week.  The six units this has cost him could have been the difference between being in third or his current fifth (out of the money).  Several other members have been hit with one strike.  Don't let this be you!

Make sure you are aware of the Tie Breakers.  When it comes to the Top Three money, the first tie-breaker is overall record.  If two members have identical winning percentages, their Vapor Lock record is the next tie break.  If they are still tied, the money is divided up evenly between the places they are occupying (a tie for first would split the total money between first and second).  When it comes to Closest to Zero, the first tie breaker is having a positive score.  A unit total of 1 trumps a unit total of -1.  The tie breakers listed above are then applied.

News and Notes for Week 10

3-0 - Roy Betterman
0-3 - Captain, The Whole F'n Show, Reaper
High Riser - Cheesesteak moving up six spots
Free Fallin' - Captain fell 7

Week 10 Viewing Guide

Saturday

12:00 - FS-1 - West Virginia +2 (T-$*) vs Texas (Cheesesteak)
12:00 - ESPNU - Central Florida -12.5 (Str8 Cash Homie) vs Cincinnati
12:00 - ESPN2 - Penn State -7 (Dommie Kosar, Easy Money) vs Indiana
12:00 - CBSC - Navy +1.5 (The King) vs Tulsa (Golf Coach)

3:30 - ROOT - Wyoming -7.5 (Captain*) vs UNLV
3:30 - NBC - Notre Dame -13.5 (5 Strong) vs Army
3:30 - ESPN - Ohio State -29 (TOMizzle) vs Maryland
3:30 - ESPN3 - Appalachian State PK (Whole F'n Show) vs Troy
3:30 - ABC - Clemson -20.5 (Gator) vs Pittsburgh
3:30 - SEC - Missouri -3.5 (Bam Bam) vs Vanderbilt
4:00 - PAC-12 - Stanford -3.5 (Roy Betterman, JBrown's Mom) vs Oregon

7:00 - ESPN2 - Louisville -35 (Edge, KOLY) vs Wake Forest
7:00 - CBSC - Boise State -17.5 (Uncle PJ) vs Hawaii
7:30 - FOX - Washington -9 (Meehoe) vs USC
7:30 - BTN - Nebraska -7 (Lights Out) vs Minnesota
8:00 - ABC - Michigan -21.5 (Achilles, Uncle Money, Reaper) vs Iowa

Sunday Day Games

1:00
Green Bay -2.5 (Str8 Cash Homie) vs Tennessee
Houston -1.5 (Dommie Kosar) vs Jacksonville
Chicago PK (Whole F'n Show) vs Tampa Bay (Bam Bam, Roy Betterman)
Carolina -3 (Gator, KOLY) vs Kansas City
Washington -3 (Lights Out) vs Minnesota
Atlanta PK (Easy Money) vs Philadelphia (Cheesesteak, JBrown's Mom)

4:00
San Diego -4 (Meehoe, Captain, T-$, The King, Golf Coach*) vs Miami
Arizona -13.5 (5 Strong, Dommie Kosar, Uncle PJ, Reaper*) vs San Francisco (TOMizzle)
Dallas +2.5 (Uncle Money, Edge) vs Pittsburgh

Prime Time Games

Sunday
New England -7.5 (T-$, 5 Strong, TOMizzle, Dommie Kosar, Uncle PJ, King, WFnS, Lights Out, Uncle Money, Easy Money*, Edge*, JBM)
Seattle (Meehoe, Gator)

Monday
NY Giants -2.5 (Str8 Cash Homie, Captain, Achilles, Bam Bam, Reaper, Golf Coach)
Cincinnati (Cheesesteak, KOLY)

The Rise

HEEEEEEE'S BAAAAA-AAAAACK!!!!  Str8 Cash Homie, our leader after the first week, has finally reemerged at the top.  After having fallen all of the way down to 14th, SCH has been on an unprecedented tare.  He has gone 6-0-1 over the past two weeks and change.  He's still sitting on his Prime Time Vapor Lock.  Will he be able to bring it in?  Will we see another epic collapse?  It might all come down to that Vapor.  Uncle PJ is lying in the cut, anxiously waiting.

HEEE GONE!  In other news, former Major League Lock Club champion T-$ has all but removed himself from the championship conversation.  Week Nine's 0-3 performance on the heels of back to back 1-2 weeks has left him with an overall record of 11-16.  But hey, I wear the Golden Sombrero well.

Week Nine News and Notes

3-0 - None

0-3 - T-$ and Cheesesteak

High Riser - Bam Bam up 5 spots from 21st to 16th

Free Fallin' - T-$ and Cheesesteak down 4 spots

Week 9 Viewing Guide

Saturday

11:30 - CBS - Notre Dame -6.5 (Meehoe) vs Navy +6.5 (King)

12:00 - ESPN - Auburn -25.5 (TOMizzle) vs Vanderbilt

12:00 - ESPN2 - Louisville -25 (Achilles) vs Boston College

12:00 - BTN - Indiana -14 (Uncle PJ, Lights Out) vs Rutgers

12:00 - ABC - Wisconsin -6.5 (JBrown's Mom) vs Northwestern

3:30 - ABC/ESPN2 - Clemson -27 (Str8 Cash Homie, Edge) vs Syracuse

3:30 - ESPNU - Virginia Tech -11 (Dommie Kosar) vs Duke

4:00 - SEC - South Carolina -7 (Bam Bam) vs Missouri

7:00 - ESPNU - Florida State -5.5 (Easy Money) vs North Carolina State

7:00 - ESPN - Oregon +17 (T-$) vs USC

7:30 - BTN - Penn State -7.5 (Uncle Money) vs Iowa +7.5 (Cheesesteak)

8:00 - UTEP -22.5 (Whole F'n Show) vs Houston Baptist

8:00 - CBS - Alabama -7.5 (Gator, Roy Betterman) vs LSU (Reaper)

8:00 - ESPNN - Tulsa -8.5 (Golf Coach) vs East Carolina
8:00 - ABC - Nebraska +17 (5 Strong) vs Ohio State

10:15 - ESPN2 - Wyoming -5.5 (Captain) vs Utah State

NFL Day Games

1:00 Kansas City (T-$, Edge) -7.5 vs Jacksonville (Meehoe)

1:00 NY Giants -2.5 vs Philadelphia (Cheesesteak, Golf Coach))

1:00 Dallas -7.5 (TOMizzle, Uncle PJ, Lights Out, Uncle Money, Easy Money) vs Cleveland (Dommie Kosar)

1:00 Baltimore PK  vs Pittsburgh (Roy Betterman)

4:05 New Orleans (JBrown's Mom) -3.5 vs San Francisco

4:05 Carolina (Str8 Cash Homie, Captain, 5 Strong, Achilles) -3 vs Los Angeles

4:25 Green Bay (King, Gator, Bam Bam*, Reaper) -7 vs Indianapolis

4:25 San Diego -5 vs Tennessee (Whole F'n Show)

Prime Time Games

Sunday - 8:30 Oakland (Str8 Cash Homie, King, Bam Bam, Easy Money, Edge, Reaper, Roy Betterman, Golf Coach) PK vs Denver (Captain, T-$, Gator, Uncle Money, Cheesesteak, JBrown's Mom)

Monday - 8:30 Seattle -7 (5 Strong, TOMizzle, Achilles, Uncle PJ, Whole F'n Show) vs Buffalo (Meehoe, Dommie Kosar, Lights Out)

Turkey Time with Uncle PJ

What's shaking there, good fellas?  We had another entertaining week in the MLLC.  Uncle PJ finally broke through and managed to keep the lead for back to back weeks.  He also became the first person in two years to win all three of his Vapor Locks.  But for the mighty Rex Ryan's garbage score, he would have grabbed the Largest NFL Day Vapor Cover. All of these accomplishments were overshadowed by his emergence as the greatest Bubble Tech in the history of the Center Grove Fine Arts Academy.  You can catch his work in Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory coming to DVD this Christmas.

In other news, 5 Strong Football also had a big week to close to within two units of the lead.  On the strength of some inside-trader information from Keith Van Horn, Str8 Cash Homie went 3-0 to move himself into the money spots.  Roy Betterman continued his quiet march back into contention with a 3-0 week of his own.  There were a couple of bizarre occurrences, as well.  Meehoe pulled off the rare 0-3 for -15 units week (Roy Betterman did the same in Week 3).  Perhaps the most shocking outcome from Week 8 was both Lights Out and Bam Bam going 3-0.  This moved Bam Bam up seven spots to 15th and Lights Out all of the way up to 19th.

We now have five weeks left - 15 chances to separate yourself from the pack, battle back into the money, or scrap and claw for that Closest to Zero boobie prize.  There are still 31 Vapor Locks left to be played (out of 69 total).  The TOMizzle, Achilles, Uncle Money, and KOLY are still sitting on all three.  The best record we have been able to produce is 12-10-2.  The combination of these facts means that almost everyone can still make a run of some sort and grab their piece of history.

Week 8 News and Notes

3-0:  Uncle PJ (+Vapor), Roy Betterman, Str8 Cash Homie, Bam Bam, and Lights Out
0-3:  Meehoe (-Vapor), JBrown's Mom, and KOLY
High Riser:  Bam Bam moving up 7 spots to 15th
Free Faller:  KOLY dropped from 10th to 16th

Week 8 Viewing Guide

Saturday

12:00 - ESPN - Michigan -24.5 (The TOMizzle, Easy Money) vs Michigan State (Cheesesteak)
12:00 - ABC - Louisville -32.5 (Achilles, KOLY) vs Virginia
12:00 - ESPNU - Houston -9.5 (Gator) vs Central Florida
12:00 - ESPN2 - Penn State -13.5 (Uncle $, Roy Betterman) vs Purdue

3:30 - ABC - Baylor -3.5 (Meehoe, T-$) vs Texas
3:30 - CBSC - Temple -7 (Str8 Cash Homie) vs Cincinnati
3:30 - ESPNU - Maryland +5 (5 Strong Football) vs Indiana (Dommie Kosar, Lights Out)
3:30 - NBC - Miami -2.5 (The King) vs Notre Dame (Bam Bam, Reaper)
3:30 - FS-1 - Washington -10 (Whole F'n Show, JBrown's Mom) vs Utah

7:00 - ESPN - Nebraska +9 (Edge) vs Wisconsin
8:00 - ESPNN - Memphis -6.5 (Golf Coach) vs Tulsa
10:45 - ESPN2 - Washington State -13 (Uncle PJ) vs Oregon State
12:00 - OCPV - Hawaii -3 (Captain) vs New Mexico

Sunday Day Games

9:30 am - Cincinnati -3 (Reaper) vs Washington (T-$)

1:00 - Carolina -3 (Str8 Cash Homie, Lights Out) vs Arizona
1:00 - New England -6.5 (5 Strong Football, The TOMizzle, Uncle PJ*, The King, Bam Bam, Cheesesteak) vs Buffalo (Gator)
1:00 - New York Jets -3.5 (KOLY) vs Cleveland (Dommie Kosar)
1:00 - Tampa Bay -1 vs Oakland (Achilles, Whole F'n Show)
1:00 - Seattle -3 (Uncle Money) vs New Orleans
1:00 - Kansas City -2.5 (Roy Betterman) vs Indianapolis
1:00 - Houston -2.5 vs Detroit (JBrown's Mom)

4:00 - Atlanta -3 (Meehoe) vs Green Bay (Captain)
4:00 - Denver -5.5 (Easy Money, Edge, Golf Coach) vs San Diego

Prime Time Games

Sunday Night Football - Dallas -4.5 (Str8 Cash Homie, 5 Strong Football, Gator, Bam Bam, Roy Betterman) vs Philadelphia (Edge, KOLY)

Monday Night Football - Minnesota -5.5 (Meehoe*, Captain, T-$, TOMizzle, Dommie Kosar, Achilles, Uncle PJ, The King, Whole F'n Show*, Uncle Money, Easy Money, Cheesesteak, Reaper, JBrown's Mom, Golf Coach) vs Chicago (Lights Out)

Halftime Update

With seven weeks down and six to go, it is a good time to take stock of what has happened in the first half of the Major League Lock Club's third season.  Our current leader is Uncle PJ at 20 units.  5 Strong Football (formerly CDes/Bink) is seven units behind him with 13.  Rounding out the money spots, The King has 10 units.  At 2 units (due to a tie-breaker), Uncle Money would win Closest to Zero if the season ended today.  As a group, we have gone 202-261-20 for a combined total of -207 units.  The highest ranked newcomer is Uncle Money at 7th place.  Newcomers also occupy seven of the bottom nine spots, highlighted by Lights Out's -36 units.

Best College Record: 5-2 (Captain, Dommie Kosar, Uncle PJ)
Most College Units Won: 13 (Uncle PJ)
Worst College Record: 1-6 (Edge)
Least College Units Won: -22 (Whole F'n Show)

Best NFL Day Record: 4-2-1 (5 Strong Football)
Most NFL Day Units Won: 15 (5 Strong Football)
Worst NFL Day Record: 1-6 (Easy Money, Captain)
Least NFL Day Units Won: -24 (Captain)

Best Prime Time Record: 5-2 (Str8 Cash Homie, KOLY)
Most Prime Time Units Won: 9 (Roy Betterman)
Worst Prime Time Record: 1-6 (Achilles)
Least Prime Time Units Won: -17 (Achilles)

Longest Winning Streak: 5 (Golf Coach, Reaper)
Longest Losing Streak: 7 (The TOMizzle, Cheesesteak)

Some All-Time Records have changed hands as well.  Officially, these will not be updated until the end of the season as the process can quickly turn into a nightmare for me.  That said, these would be the new record holders were the season to end today:

Str8 Cash Homie moves 3-0 lifetime on College Vapors
5 Strong Football (19) Most NFL Day Wins
5 Strong Football (29) Most NFL Day Units Won
Achilles (10-22-1) Most Prime Time Losses
Achilles (-36) Most Prime Time Units Lost
Uncle PJ (5) ties for Most 3-0 Weeks
The Whole F'n Show (23-36-1) Worst Winning Percentage (>1 season played)
5 Strong Football (33) Most Units Won
Edge (34.5) Largest NFL Day Cover

Guess Who's Back

The Curse of First claims another victim.  After losing the NFL day game by the hook (a game where KC had not one but two opportunities to cover in the closing minutes), I took another L in that abortion of a Sunday Night contest.  My misery was only surpassed by the joy of my brother-in-law.  Uncle PJ managed to earn his SECOND +15 unit week of the year, winning comfortably in each of his games.  It was good enough to get him to 20 units (our largest total of the year thus far).  Currently, he is enjoying a seven point lead over second place 5 Strong Football (who also went 3-0).

Week Seven was a week of extremes around the Major League Lock Club.  Obviously, Uncle PJ and 5 Strong managed to go 3-0.  Five folks managed to earn the Golden Sombrero.  Bam Bam is rocking that bad boy for the second time.  Achilles ran his loss streak to five.  The Whole F'n Show sits at four.  Reaper and Lights Out are 0-4-1 over their last five contests as well.  Let me not gloss over Lights Out's weekend.  His -10 unit performance means he is sitting at -36.  It would appear to be a Vapor Lock that he will "best" Golf Coach's mark for futility.  He is basically the Yoan Moncada of the MLLC.  That jump from the minors (Steve Wilson's league) to the Majors is harder than it looks.  On the whole, we enjoyed the rare net positive week finishing at +14.

In other news, the High Risers were Roy Betterman and Golf Coach.  Both are at least 30 units out of first, but they are slowly working their way through the pack of mediocrity that resides between -10 and -30 units.  The Free Faller award goes to Bam Bam who dropped 7 spots this week.  It's getting close to the time where people need to start thinking about playing for Closest to Zero.  When you first start really contemplating that, you might feel a slight sting.  That's pride f***ing with you.  F*** pride.  Pride only hurts; it never helps.

Hate Hate Hate

Go Texans!

Week Seven Viewing Guide

Week 7

Saturday

12:00 ESPNU - Minnesota -17.5 (The Whole F'n Show) vs Rutgers

12:00 ABC - Louisville -19.5 (Gator) vs North Carolina State

12:00 ESPN - Wisconsin -3.5 (Uncle Money, JBrown's Mom) vs Iowa

12:30 ACCN - Syracuse +4.5 (T-$) vs Boston College

3:00 PAC12 - Stanford -2.5 (Bam Bam) vs Colorado

3:30 ABC - Nebraska -24 (The King) vs Colorado

3:30 ESPN3 - Western Michigan -23.5 (Str8 Cash Homie) vs Eastern Michigan

3:30 BTN - Michigan -36.5 (The TOMizzle, Lights Out, Reaper, Roy Betterman) vs Illinois

3:30 ESPN2 - West Virginia -6 (Dommie Kosar) vs Texas Christian

3:30 CBS - Alabama -18.5 (KOLY) vs Texas A&M

3:45 ESPNU - Tulsa -10.5 (Golf Coach) vs Tulane

6:00 ESPN - Arkansas +9.5 (Achilles) vs Auburn

7:00 CBSC - Cincinnati -1.5 (Captain) vs East Carolina

7:00 ESPN3 - Louisiana Tech -16.5 (Uncle PJ) vs Florida International

7:30 BTN - Michigan State -2 (Cheesesteak) vs Maryland

8:00 ABC - Ohio State -19.5 (Meehoe, Edge) vs Penn State (Easy Money)

9:00 ESPN - Louisiana State -5.5 (5 Strong Football) vs Ole Miss

Sunday

9:30 am NY Giants -3 (Captain) vs Los Angeles

1:00 Kansas City -6.5 (T-$, Bam Bam) vs New Orleans

1:00 Minnesota -2.5 (The TOMizzle, Achilles, Lights Out, Easy Money) vs Philadelphia

1:00 Cleveland +10 (Dommie Kosar) vs Cincinnati

1:00 Oakland +1 (Gator, Cheesesteak) vs Jacksonville

1:00 Buffalo -3 (Reaper) vs Miami

1:00 Tennessee -2.5 (KOLY) vs Indianapolis

4:00 New England -7 (Meehoe, Str8 Cash Homie*, 5 Strong Football, Uncle PJ, The King, Edge, Roy Betterman, JBrown's Mom) vs Pittsburgh

4:00 Atlanta -6.5 (Gator, Uncle Money, Golf Coach) vs San Diego

Prime Time

Arizona -2 (T-$, Achilles, Gator, Bam Bam, Reaper, Captain, The Whole F'n Show, Lights Out, Edge, JBrown's Mom) vs Seattle (Str8 Cash Homie, Cheesesteak, KOLY, Dommie Kosar, Roy Betterman)

Denver -7.5 (Meehoe, The TOMizzle, The King, Easy Money, 5 Strong Football, Uncle PJ*, Uncle Money, Golf Coach) vs Houston

Paga-NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Things were looking good for about half of the MLLC.  The Colts were in possession of a 14 point lead with a little less than four minutes to go.  Fast forward thirty minutes, and you have an absolutely mind-boggling, come from ahead push.  Well, truthfully, it wasn't mind-boggling to any of the Colts fans among us.  Just another example how the MLLC can pick a winner about as well as our coked-up owner can pick a GM.

Saturday highlights were few and far between.  Notre Dame still sucks.  Both Troy and Clemson failed to cover for The Whole F'n Show and Golf Coach's attempts respectively for a Vapor.  Nebraska managed the backdoor cover thanks to the ineptitude of another coach in my home state.  Sunday's day games were a mixed bag as well.  Oakland totally screwed over Str8 Cash Homie, Captain (with a Vapor), Achilles, Gator, and Bam Bam.  The New England Patriots pounded their opponent into oblivion again much to the voyeuristic pleasure of The Whole F'n Show and Edge (both had Vapor locks in play).  Quite frankly, if you still have an NFL Vapor left, you would be an idiot to not play it on the Pats.  Oh yeah, the Cardinals covered against an FCS squad last night.

We had two people go undefeated.  Roy Betterman ran his consecutive win streak to four with a perfect 3-0 week.  The TOMizzle clawed back towards the positive side with a 2-0-1 week himself.  J Brown's Mom also went 2-0-1.  Despite losing 2 units via penalty, s/he still managed to gain 4 units.  Easy Money donned the Tim Tebow Golden Sombrero with an 0-3 week.  Cheesesteak hit the halfway mark in his pursuit of wrestling the consecutive futility mark from Dommie Kosar (he's 0-6 over the last two weeks). Speaking of six consecutive losses, Golf Coach finally got off of the snide with an Arizona cover late Monday night.  Not gonna lie, my heart dropped a little when I saw our picks matched up!

It was a big week for the Commish.  I slipped past Meehoe to grab the top spot with 10 units.  In the process, I also moved into the lead for all-time units.  Gator is still holding on to the record for most wins at 51 to my 50 and 5 Strong Football's 49.  The High Riser for the week was The TOMizzle who climbed five spots into 8th and well within striking distance of the top.  Golf Coach was our Free Faller as he dropped six spots from 12th into 18th.  Gator and Lights Out continued their battle for last with Gator coming out on "top" this week.  He is sitting at -31, while Lights Out is at -26.  For those of you following this race, Golf Coach was at -24 after Week 6 last year in his march to a record low -43.