Captain Calls His Shot

Week Eight gets started off with four noon(ish) games.  Our current leader, The King, has selected Navy -7.  This game will be on the CBS Sports Network.  He may need the cover to stay ahead of Captain.  El Capitan has dropped the full eleven unit Vapor Lock on Penn State -5.  This game will be on ESPN2.  Cap has gone 4-2 over the last two weeks and could indeed be atop the leaderboard heading into Sunday.  The third noon kickoff features The TOMizzle’s Rutgers +20.5 heading into Wiskyville on the Big Ten Network.  Tom has been the bizarro-Cap, going 2-4 and having not won an NFL game since the Week Five Day Game.  The last noonish game gets going at 12:30.  Dirty D continues to keep it Catholic, taking the BC Eagles at +2.5.  You can watch that online or on your phone at ESPN 3.  By the way, the Watch ESPN app is awesome for Saturday lock clubbing.

We have four more games getting started around 3:00.  Gator is rolling with USC -6 on Fox.  He has been consistently nailing two of three each week for a while now.  Were it not for his penalties, he would currently be in second.  Defending champion Silky Johnson will try to right his ship when Marshall -18.5 travels to Charlotte on FSN at 3:30.  While he has remained hot on Saturdays, NFL Night games continue to plague him.  Brother of Nugg is coming off his first two-win week since Week Four.  He likes the Florida Gators at -2.5.  Friends, that game will be on CBS at 3:30.

The last 3:30 game is our biggest of the day.  The Whole F’n Show and Hitman like Clemson -10, while Golf Coach is taking that barking dog NC State.  Newcomer The Whole F’n Show once sat in third place as recent as Week Five.  He currently resides in eighth, but hopes this Vapor Lock will put him back in the money.  Both Hitman and Golf Coach are coming off of a 2-1 week and hope to make a move starting today.  This game can be seen on ESPN2.

At 7:00, CDes/Bink and AAN will be pulling for the Dukies -8 on ESPNU.  CDes/Bink have managed to hold on to a share of the best record in the league despite going 2-4 over the last six games.  After a rocky start, AAN has managed to avoid a losing week since Week Four.  Seeing these two heavyweights both getting behind the Blue Devils makes me want to call my bookie.

Closing out the action, Uncle PJ will be cheering for his beloved Notre Dame Fighting Irish.  The Irish are a 10.5 point favorite and can be seen on ABC.  Uncle PJ is trying to battle back from a heartbreaking Vapor Lock loss last Sunday that saw him fall from 3rd to 7th.  With that said, he is only seven points out of the money and very much in the mix.

I hope everyone had a great week and LET’S GET READY TO GAMMMMMMMBLLLLLLE!

Half Way Home

We have hit the halfway point of the second season of the Major League Lock Club.  Week Seven served as a pretty fair representation of the season so far.  At times, we look like geniuses (see last week’s college picks).  At others, we look like complete idiots (see last week’s NFL Day game picks).  At the end of the day, it has shaped up to be an extremely competitive season.  The leader is still well within striking range of all but a few people, and literally everyone is still in the hunt to finish in the money.  Just 11 units separates 2nd place from 9th.

Mid-Season Report

The King deserves to head this list.  While going 11-10, he has managed to double his nearest competition’s unit total.  In fact, he currently has three times as many units as third place Captain.   His two remaining Vapor Locks will loom large.

The 3-0 Club consists of Captain, Silky Johnson, Uncle PJ, The Whole F’n Show, AAN, and CDes/Bink.  Each of these members has gone 3-0 once, but none have done it twice.

The 0-3 Club consists of everyone but CDes/Bink and Silky Johnson.  However, Dirty D, Golf Coach, and Brother of Nugg have managed to pull it off twice in seven weeks.  Well done!

The award for best College Handicapper at the mid-point goes to Silky Johnson.  He is currently 6-1 and up 20 units.  The award for best NFL Day Game Handicapper goes to CDes/Bink.  They are also currently 6-1 and up 21 units.  The award for best NFL Night Game Handicapper goes to both Captain and Uncle PJ.  They have both gone 4-3 in our worst catagory.

The real awards go to Golf Coach, Dirty D, and the TOMizzle.  Golf Coach has gone 0-7 in NFL Day games, losing 20 units.  Both Dirty D and TOMizzle have matched that feat in NFL Night Games going 0-7 for a total of -23 and -22 units respectively.  I’m not sure who I should be more impressed with considering that Dirty D has a failed Vapor in there as well.  If the season ended today, both Golf Coach and Dirty D would take a place on the Wall of Shame.

The longest current winning streak belongs to Brother of Nugg and sits at 1.  The longest current losing streak belongs to Dirty D and stands at 4.  The longest winning streak of the season belongs to The Whole F’n Show who won 6 in a row.  The longest losing streak belong to Captain and Brother of Nugg at 6 as well.

Backdoor Action

Sorry it’s been so long since I rapped at you.  On Friday, an inspection discovered the home we were going to purchase had busted pipes throughout.  On Sunday, I dumped an entire hot tub on to our three-season porch at the current home.  Good times!  Anyway, things did not fare much better for the MLLC as we managed to put together our worst week of the season from a units standpoint.  We went 1-4 on Vapor Locks and ended up down 53 units on the whole.  We have now gone 7-35 over the last three weeks on the NFL Night games.  If only those quitters from New England had not laid down at the end of the game…

There is no Big Three this week, as nothing really happened worth going into.  We could talk about how the Bears managed to get beat by the winless Lions.  We could discuss how the bottom three teams in the NFC North are only 4-8 against non-divisional competition while the bottom three in the AFC South are 3-9.  We could reminisce about the time my center snapped the ball on “No Play” and cost us a championship.  I will say that we have seen some owners start to make their move.  Dirty D came into Week Five in 10^th and has moved into a tie for 4^th.  AAN has seemed to right the ship and is once again moving up the standings (currently in 8^th).  Last but not least, even though he balanced out at 0 for the week, Uncle PJ has moved into that coveted 3^rd place money spot.

Until next week….

Silky Says "Noooo!!!" and Other Night Terrors

First, let me say this was a great weekend of football.  There were a ton of exciting games and surprising outcomes.  Things were no less exciting in the Major League Lock Club.  We started off the week with the Mighty Colts’ shocking victory over the hapless Houston Texans on Thursday night.  Friday morning saw the exit of the reigning MLLC Runner-Up amid a cloud of controversy.  Saturday began a three day run involving 10 Vapor Locks that would eventually end on the very last second of the very last game Monday night.  This week was so huge, we had to go with Big Five instead of the normal Big Three!

5.  The Prodigal Son – Friday morning, Meehoe expressed much frustration and consternation with the current rules of the league.  After debating the merits of said rules and the payout structure, he elected to forego the rest of the year.  He was penalized ten points and given three loses.  On Monday morning, he was contacted and made aware that he still had a share of the Largest Margin of Cover for College Games.  At that time, he made the decision to continue on.  So long story short, Meehoe is back (and expecting a daughter in the next few months).

4.  Night Terrors – CDes/Bink were the only members to correctly predict either the Sunday or Monday Night games this week.  As a league, we have gone 4-24 over the past two weeks and sit at 23-47 for the year under the lights.  In other words, WE SUCK!  No one is better than 3-2 and only two or three people are that good.

3.  Hubris – Hubris is a mo fo.  After starting 9-3 and feeling REALLY good about himself, Silky called his shot.  Visions of waltzing into Station 1 late Sunday night aglow with the first ever 25 point week filled his head.  What picture would he use for the story?  How much “hater-ade” would be served out to all of the plebians when The Silky One hit 43 points in Week 5?  It was going to be glorious.  Things started off great with Toledo handling a horrible Kent State squad, but quickly turned for the worse.  When the dust had settled, Silky was 1-2.  Thanks only to the complete ineptitude of the vast majority of the league, he remained in the money, but just by the skin of his teeth. 

2.  Best of Times – It was the Best of Times.  At least it was if you were CDes/Bink, Uncle PJ, or Dirty D.  They all hit a Vapor and walked away with at least an 11 unit gain for the week.  CDes was even in attendance as his Patriots dispatched them ‘Boys on his and Bink’s way to a full 15 unit week.  This was good enough to catapult them from sixth into second – only two units off of the lead.  Speaking of the leader, The King will also look back at this week fondly as it was when he grabbed the helm.  (By the way, the Best of Times is an all-time great football movie – starring Robin Williams and Kurt Russell)

1.  Worst of Times – It was the Worst of Times.  Week Five saw seven different owners lose 10 or more units.  That is beyond mind-boggling.  We had two members take a 15 unit hit.  That is basically the equivalent of losing all five tricks after you decide to go alone in euchre.  As a group we went 4-5-1 on Vapors.  On the week, we went 14-27-1 for a net loss of 48 units.  Expect some nice comps to come in the mail from your local sports book any day now!

Things are wide open.  Both the standings and the spreads should begin tighten up from here on out.  Good luck to you.

Vapor Lock Madness!!!

Friday morning saw the MLLC lose another member.  Meehoe has elected to forego the rest of the season.  He is gone but will not be forgotten.  I mean, literally.  In just over four weeks, he was able to tie Cento’s mark for futility in a season by falling to -33.  His .250 winning percentage for the season (while it will always hold an asterisk) is right up there with Cal Ripken’s consecutive start streak and Fernando Tatis’s two grand slams off of Chan Ho Park in the same inning – records that will never be topped.  So, Meehoe, we salute you.  God speed.

For those of you who have not been beaten into submission yet, you are in for a wild week.  We have 3 Vapor Locks in play today, 6 more tomorrow, and another 2 for the night caps.  Uncle PJ (currently in 8^th place) gets the party started with a Vapor Lock on Ole Miss -44.5 as they battle New Mexico State at noon on the SEC Network.  As of the time of print, Ole Miss was up 14 midway through the second quarter.  Hitman threw down his first Vapor Lock of the year when he and Brother of Nugg took the Hoosiers +8 to cover against the Fighting Jerry Sanduskys.  That game can be seen right now on ESPN 2.  They are currently tied midway through the second.  Rounding out the noon starts, AAN (formerly Gladiator and currently in last place thanks to Meehoe’s departure) chose the Baylor Bears at -44.  This game can be seen on FS1 where the Bears are currently smashing that @$$ 31-7 at the beginning of the second.

Seven members took games starting between 2 and 3:30.  Gator, fresh off of his “Pimps Don’t Cry Birthday Bash,” went with the hot Bowling State squad -13.  Starting at 2, that game can be found on ESPN 3.  Silky Johnson laid down not one, not two, but ALL THREE Vapor Locks this week.  The first of these features Toledo -15 vs Kent State at 3 on ESPN 3.  It takes a big hat and a big cane to reach for the fabled 25 point weekend.  At 3:30, Captain will be pulling for the Syracuse Orangemen +3 to upset the South Florida Golden Bulls in a game Silky damn near made his own.  This one can be found on CBSSN.  The King will be going head to head with the Golf Coach as the former took Minnesota -3 with the latter taking Purdue.  That “action” can be found on ESPN at 3:30.  Rounding out the afternoon games, we will have the Battle of the A-Shifters.  The TOMizzle took country over God, choosing Navy +14.5.  Dirty D went the other direction, laying his units on the Fighting Irish like a good Catholic boy should.

Closing out the action, The Whole F’n Show and CDes/Bink like the Boise State Broncos -16 at Colorado State at 7 on CBSSN.  This is the second week in a row for CDes/Bink to roll with the Blue Turfers, while The Whole F’n Show is hoping to climb into that top spot.

I don’t normally write much about the NFL games, but with 8 Vapor Locks total on the line, it is worth the exception.  Silky Johnson, Brother of Nugg, and Hitman all took Buffalo -2.5 with SJ and BoN Vapor Locking it.  The Whole F’n Show, Captain, and Gator all took Atlanta -7.5 with Gator locking it.  Two more 1:00 Vapor Locks were Dirty D taking Cleveland +6.5 and AAN taking Seattle +3 in his home town.  The Golf Coach took New Orleans at +4.5 to round out the early games.  After 4:15, CDes/Bink, The King, and Uncle PJ all took the Patriots -9 with CDes/Bink Vapor Locking a game one half of them will be attending.  Lastly, The TOMizzle took Denver -5.

Seven club members liked the NY Giants at -7 on Sunday Night Football.  The Whole F’n Show and Silky Johnson both threw down locks on it.  No one selected the 49’ers.  San Diego at -3 was the popular pick with only CDes/Bink taking Pittsburgh. 

Dawgs are Barking

Let me start off by saying there were some AWESOME college games last Saturday.  IU, Purdue, Kansas State, and Notre Dame all put on inspiring yet unsuccessful comeback bids.  I can't get enough Saturday action. Anyway, we have now completed 30% of the season.  So far we are 79-86-3 and -6 (minus penalties) overall.  In the big scheme of things, that is not too bad (but let’s be clear – it’s not good).  One would have to be at +4 units at this point to have made money actually gambling on this season.  Currently, we have six owners in the black which is better than what Vegas banks on.  After a horrible start, we are best at picking amateur action (especially The Whole F’n Show who loves some amateur action); but we are terrible at handicapping the Prime Time games (more on that in a moment).  So without further ado, I give you The Big Three from Week Four:

3.  Cash Money Picks – The bar to earn the Cover By The Most Points awards went up twice this weekend.  Meehan (who continues his impressive march towards the worst season in league history) finally had something go his way when Coach Redass and the Bama Tide covered their spread by 30.5 points.  A few hours later, CDes/Bink’s mighty Broncos matched that feat (and number) against the U of Hawaii Rainbows.  The King managed to grab the College Vapor high score when Navy covered by 16.5.

2.  The Sheep – The two most popular picks of the week were the Arizona Cardinals -6.5 (six owners) and the Seattle Seahawks -9.5 (eight owners).  In both cases, those dogs were barking, costing league members a grand total of 46 units.  Only one gifted handcapper correctly prognosticated the outcome of Monday’s night’s American football contest.  He was quoted as saying, “What can I say about your Monday night picks that hasn’t been said about Afghanistan already?”

1.  Gladiator – Half way through Week 7 of 2014, the Gladiator hit the historic 50 unit mark.  50 units is a monster number.  It is on par with rushing for 2,000 yards in an NFL season – it can happen, but it’s rare and spectacular to watch.  After suffering the indignity of going 0-3 for the third time in five weeks, his unit total since the aforementioned high mark is -50.  I am not sure whether we should hold a funeral or start to become worried.  Seems like the time is right for the Gladiator to go on a tear. 

From Outta Nowhere

Week Four is already well on its way.  We had four noon kickoff games and things are looking pretty good for everyone so far.  Tulane PK (The Whole F’n Show) is handling its business against UCF on ESSN.  Northwestern -4 (Captain) is beating that a$$ on the Big Ten Network.  The only game in question is Michigan State -21.5 (Gladiator and Gator).  They are currently not covering the spread, but they are facing those idiots from West Lafayette – so they are probably good.  I take that back.  You are screwed (Purdue just cut it to 7 in the 4th).

There is plenty of action to be had during the midday.  Three members chose the epic Big Ten Clash of the Titans between Ohio State and The Indiana University on ABC at 3:30.  Dirty D and Golf Coach went with the Hurrying Hoosiers +21.  That hater, The TOMizzle, rolled with the Buckeyes -21.  Meehoe could not layoff Bama +2.5 in the underdog role (tide) on CBS - also at 3:30.  The King broke out his College Vapor Lock, going with Navy -5.5 on CBSSN at 3:30.  Your venerable leader, Silky Johnson, is calling for the Big XII upset with Kansas State +8 over them Cowboys.  You can watch that on FS1 at 4. 

Evening action begins at 7:30 on Fox with Uncle PJ’s UCLA Bruins -13.5 facing the best looking fans in all of college football.  Our second College Vapor Lock of the day occurs at 8 on ABC when Brother of Nuggs continues his Irish-hating ways, selecting Clemson PK to take down Notre Dame.  Hitman will be pulling for the Ducks when they do battle at 10 on ESPN.  The last pick of the night belongs to CDes/Bink.  They hope the Boise State Broncos -24.5 are man enough to cover against the Rainbow Warriors on ESPN2 at 10:15.